1. THE DREAM:
“Every morning, I used to wake up like a
new born baby and spend some time thinking who I am! “Well I’m a musician, in
the making” utters my heart and I am all set for my day. Yes, there I see
Shreya Ghoshal, Neha Kakkar and Arjit Singh in the distance, but being from a
normal middle class South Indian family, with no many established trait of
arts, say of any kind, I too tried to balance my career in music along with
that of my studies. Music had always been part of my life and it has given me
the social status which I do enjoy right now and I’m indebted to my parents and
teachers for finding the ‘me’ in me.
However, each time I kept winning or
heading various regional reality shows, I had to take my academic career along
since I knew that I was living in a chaotic world. The art of balancing had
always been tougher than the art itself! I’d completed my M.Com and was feeling
incomplete and it was soon after my clearing of the UGC NET, I was affected by
this ‘uncontrollable desire for my passion’ and I wanted to do something
greater. This April, was a month of excitement for me, where I found this
particular music reality show which recognizes the best music talent, say
one of the most prestigious channel reality shows the country has ever seen
post ‘Meri Awaaz Suno’ in cognizant with music! (I don’t want to mention the channel name
and the program as well)
Out of the blue, I decided to give it a
shot. As a normal Indian girl, I did never think much about it. Yet, I had that
confidence within me, which kept me moving. “What if I’m a normal girl? What
is not possible in India by being a normal girl?” I kept asking myself. I
never wanted to settle down after my degree and get married to someone whom I
don’t know. Instead, I always wanted to traverse in my own path, with my own
desires. Confidence is that force one gets out of nothing. My previous
achievements and all those appreciations and applauds I used to get from my
audience kept boosting me.
I was glad enough when I was called for
the auditions. I was super excited and then I calmed myself. Rigorous practice
sessions and rehearsals filled the rest of my days. The day was approaching and
I was busy drafting my plans. I was busy enlisting my songs, preferences and
practicing them. As anyone could imagine, attending an audition that takes
place at Mumbai itself could be considered as the first level of elimination
for a ‘normal Indian girl’ from the south! I had to travel alone and that
seemed to be a weird decision from all sides within the family. However, I am
grateful to my Dad, who had allowed me wholeheartedly to travel alone, to stay
with my cousin in Mumbai and to attend the audition! Yes, that is my Dad, every
Indian girl would desire to have such a Dad and I’m lucky on that part. I felt
like it was my responsibility to pay back the ones who loved me and I could pay
them back by winning the show title! I aimed nothing lesser to the champion
tag.
After doing a couple of overnight stage
shows in Tamil Nadu, I took my flight to Mumbai, to attend my audition which
was supposed to happen on the next day. I had 20 songs in my list which were
all set perfect for me. I’d been practicing all of them for weeks so as to make
myself unbeatable. I had to stay with my cousin who works on various shifts. It
was so nice staying with her, who was alone there at that time and I had cooked
food for both of us! (And at times you got to cook stuffs to ease
yourselves!) That evening, I was relaxing and enjoying the Mumbai vibe from
that apartment at Jogeshwari. Next day, I had the first two rounds of auditions
and I was waiting with excitement and I was trying to imbibe the blessings of
my well-wishers. My family, friends and people from my place kept wishing me,
which kept me on the move.
2. THE
REALITY:
The Mumbai heat was too scorching
such that it could evaporate the body and soul as a whole! Knowing the
consequences, I carried a couple of water bottles with me to the audition
centre, located at Andheri (E). The Uber dropped me at the venue and I just
walked in. The lady officials at the venue were showing great courtesy and I
had felt that warmth. As I stepped in, all that I saw was a crowded population
of more than 4000 people approximately. One third of them would be girls
for sure I guess. For instance, I forgot that it was a music reality show-
audition that is being held. Instead, I tried to recollect my statistics
lessons and my mind was preparing bar and pie charts of the people gathered
over there. There were people from the south as well. Unsurprisingly, there
were few people whom I had defeated at regional reality shows as well! It was
nice meeting and interacting with them. There were hundreds of male singers
from all over India and many of them were looking like typical Bollywood
models. There were girls who looked like supermodels and I was a bit
confused whether it was an audition for a music reality show or for some
Bollywood movie cast! I felt myself empowered within my Blue churidar. I felt
thankful to all those boys who had ogled at me back in Kerala, and those yucky
memories have now brought a confidence within me! “Appearances can be
deceiving, you’ll be judged only on the basis of your talent” said my mind.
I made up my mind, started interacting with few friends out there and
befriended with few like-minded people I found there.
The ‘WAIT’ has just begun. The
reality was pretty hard. All the candidates were waiting unconditionally for
their names to get called. By the time I finished a bottle of water, I heard my
name being called and went for the first round. Here there was a judge, sitting
over there to evaluate me. With all strength, I had sung three songs. “Bhare
Naina” being the first one, had swept the minds of the judge. I could read
it from their faces and probably ‘the ability to judge one’s judge’ would be
that one thing, I would have learnt from my previous channel reality show
experiences! With ‘Raina beeth jaye’ and ‘Kamli’, I felt
cloud nine when I was told that I was ‘IN’. Now I had to wait a lot for the
second round. I am still not sure how many candidates got into the second
round. It was nice watching other people being auditioned until I was exposed
to the true business side of the reality! I got to see the judges’
remarks and got myself surprised! I got disillusioned when I saw the below
average performance of a girl and the judges remarked it as ‘looks good’.
There was another fellow who made laughter out of things and I saw the remarks
as ‘for entertainment purpose’. We happened to see a lot more poor performances
which were being accepted on ‘special grounds’! (Say for example,
someone who could sing in male and female voice simultaneously). I was
discussing the same with few other like-minded contestants I found there. At
the end of the day, we realized two things: The first- was nothing,
but the hard core reality that we will not be provided with any kind of food or
refreshment and we ought to wait till midnight, unconditionally for the second
round auditions without losing our ‘appetites’ to prove ourselves! The
second piece of realization was the grave truth that the authorities were
interested in not just spotting the genuine talents, but they were seeking for
‘other factors’ too which would boost their TRPs and that included
purpose factors like ‘comic characters’, ‘good looking’ and various
other stuffs on earth which included almost everything except music!
We were not allowed to leave the station
for food and I was exhausted waiting like a hornbill since that morning. A
thousand people were put in the same gaol since morning and I started feeling
like we are being punished for something that we haven’t done! After 13 hours
of long wait, I decided to order snacks via swiggy and that came like a
‘mirage’ in the scorching desert! The second bottle of water was about to
finish and I was worried of my dried throat. However, I had kept an ounce of
water in the bottle for last minute refreshment. “you should get through
these to achieve it”- I said myself. I put myself in a meditative mode and
sat there quietly. At the 15th hour of my waiting, I heard my
name being called and I had given my second round audition in front of a single
judge. “Bhare Naina”, one of my top priorities was my song again and the
judge was overwhelmed and I was given a direct entry to the next level.
I felt so glad that, however or whatever, at the end of the day, I could get
through and now I could put myself on the roll for the third round which would
fetch me there at the pinnacle for sure. By now, I had surpassed thousands of
candidates and I felt like my Mumbai trip has turned meaningful. I had a gap
day and the third round would be held on the day after. I managed to get an
uber back to Jogeshwari, and I reached there post-midnight! I was extremely
tired and exhausted, yet I could sleep peacefully. As AR Rahman Sir had said: “Ellaa
pukazhum iraivanukk” (All credits to the almighty) and I felt that any
girl with a genuine talent can reach anywhere and achieve anything in India.
I was relaxing peacefully at the
apartments analysing the particularities of the auditions and discussing the
same with other candidates and friends. Though I felt anxious and dubious
regarding the ‘entertainment business thoughts’ involved in the
selection that often abstracts the real talent, I was proud of myself as
an ‘Indian girl’, and I wanted to prove it to myself and I was waiting
for that to happen. Silent audition was happening on the other side as
well, which included ‘other candidates’ who had already attended the auditions
and all. They were given a kind of ‘special status’ altogether and it
seemed fishy for normal candidates like us. Silent audition was a different
ball game altogether and I don’t know how fairly it was being conducted.
Imagine this was a national level audition where about four thousand
candidates contested for the championship openly, while few guys enjoyed a
privileged kind of status in the name of ‘silent audition’ and I am not even
sure whether such a trend is appreciable or not. Anyway, I decided myself to
groom up for the next day, round three!
Sun rose brighter in Mumbai and it was
the crucial day for me. The game starts at 09:00 AM and that was what we were
informed. I reached there by 08:30 in the morning and there was no any sign of
competitions over there. As time passed, I saw dozens of candidates approaching.
Girls were looking more beautiful that day. Boys appeared more handsome as well
and I checked myself in that pink dress and said that I was not that bad
indeed! After all, I was sure that we will be evaluated not just on the basis
of singing but something else indeed. I knew nothing except singing. I am still
a music lover and learner and that’s what I am and that’s what I will be. I
heard that they were looking for people with ‘stories’ and I didn’t have any
dramatic stories in my life to put in my bio.
We were notified that the third round
audition has been postponed to that afternoon. Maybe the judges were tired of
the previous night auditions and that could be the reason. I decided to wait
and that was the least thing I could be doing and I was used to it! I was a bit
anxious since I had to catch my flight back home that evening and I had to do
check in by 03:30 PM. I wouldn’t have booked my flight on that day. It was just
because the authorities assured me that the auditions will be over before noon,
I did book my flight that evening. However, at the worst case, I was even ready
to cancel my flight and I had made up myself for anything that could
follow. Life has taught me a lot of things and I had always realized that
whatever you do and how victorious you emerge, at the end of the day, you’ll
have none by your side except your shadow. At around 11:00 AM, I discussed my
plight with one of the channel officials and she had assured me that I’ll be
called for the auditions by 1 o’clock at the maximum and I’ll be the
first one to go. That news was a relief for me and once again, I felt happy for
them.
I Waited.
The clock struck 1:00 PM and there was
no sign of auditions happening and I was worried.
It was 01:15 PM.
There was no orchestra being set up.
There was no mic.
There were no speakers.
No judges showed up.
Nothing happened.
The world seemed still.
I was worried whether I was at the wrong
place or what! I went myself to consult an official out there and she said that
I will be called soon for my auditions without orchestra. I informed her
that I could wait until 03:30 PM since I am done with my web check in. Though I
said that I was not in any rush, it seemed like they were in a rush to send me
out as soon as possible. Suddenly, I was called in and I had sung a couple of
songs (Bhare Naina and Hai rama)
without orchestra and mic. I was wondering like what was happening around. Only
a couple of judges had showed up while I sang and after that, I saw three more
judges joining for the candidates that followed. I had no clue regarding
what kind of judgement they were going to make. With a frozen mind, I saw
different candidates being measured on different scales. It was a music reality
show and music was in the air! I saw judges making ridiculous
comments on quality singers. I heard that few guys with mediocre
performance had already made it into the next level through silent auditions
and I really didn’t know what kind of drama was happening behind. I felt like a
clown within a circus tent. Whatever stunts I do, people will laugh at me and
that was what it meant for a ‘normal girl’ in India I guess. A normal
Indian girl is no less to a joker for the narrow minded world around and that
is the hard core truth.
All that I wanted was to return back
home, remove the mask of the ‘winning contestant’ and to cry loudly. I left the
place after few minutes, wishing few other contestant friends all the very
best. I felt like the mud under my feet was getting washed away.
3. THE
REALIZATION:
Today, back at home, I was checking the
selection list and as expected, my name was not there. I didn’t get a
call from them either. I was devastated. But I was prepared. I have learnt to
stay close bound to realities. Life has taught me a lot as a small town girl. A
normal Indian girl. Later, I came to know that all the quality singers whom
I had met there were not selected. My fellow contestants were rejected too.
Many of them too had to sing without orchestra and mic as well. I also came to
know that few mediocre candidates were selected due to their strange voice
features. Most of the candidates who got selected were from the ‘silent
audition’ which appeared to be a ‘faking concealed tender’ in an auction market
that bags the entire deal at the last moment! I was not bothered whether I
was IN or NOT. What bothered me was the unprofessional method of
selection they had conducted. Is this how a prestigious reality show is being
conducted? Is this the way to deal with four thousand aspirants across the
country? Is this the way the channel is set to increase their TRP? Is this
the way talent is being evaluated in this country of diversities? Is this
how the nation with the second largest population in the world is getting
acknowledged on creative behalf? All these questions were left unanswered
within my mind and that is what made me think of putting up my personal
experience as a story. The problem is not just with
the people, but with the system in its entirety. The system has to be
rectified. In order to bring a change, the attitude of the public towards the
system has to be changed and I guess my vindication would bring some sort of
awareness among the readers at least.
I want nothing, but people out there to
know how hard the ground realities are. How fake some ‘realities’ are! How
devastatingly genuine talents are being obscured in this country! How much
close an ordinary small town girl like me could get in touch with the pinnacle
and lose it for being genuine! I wouldn’t have minded if I was rejected just
because there were more talented people. I am concerned only because even
people whom I found as more talented than me, got rejected for no reason! We
are singers. We are musicians and music is what we breathe all through our
life. I swear that no audition politics can take out the music from us.
Now, as I gaze along the accolades and
awards in my showcase, I just think who I am.
I searched for reasons.
I don’t possess any special skills.
I don’t compromise.
I don’t have the pleasing factor of
entertainment.
I am not an appealing kind.
And above all, I DON’T HAVE STORIES.
But, I should thank them. Because, now,
I DO HAVE A STORY.
The story of an ordinary normal Indian
girl from a small town.
The story of an uncompromising dreamer.
The story of a struggling musician.
The story of a struggling woman.
The story of genuine music.
Now I feel relieved. I have emerged
stronger. I see my family out there welcoming me as usual. I see my friends
loving me as usual. I see my teacher loving me more than before. I see the
world as quite normal. Everything is fine in the world of art. Everything
strikes the chord at the right time and when you are in sync with the universal
time, there comes the music of your soul. Now I am listening to the music of
my soul. Here on wards, I will never wait for anything. I just love the
process but not the achievements. I don’t want anything for granted and I don’t
want people to take me for granted as well. My awards are nothing but my
invaluable audience who enjoys me singing. I owe my soul to my audience. I owe
my life to music and that’s what I am here for and I will always be. Whatever
comes in between, I don’t mind and I will be a singer for sure. Genuine talents
will get recognized beyond the world of judgments.
To all those fellow musicians out there,
I would like to say that, the world is out there for you- cheering up, waiting
for your voice. Render your voice, do it for them. Do it for music but not for
the fake games. Don’t waste your life in proving yourself before an
unworthy crowd. Luck never comes as such. It comes through blessings. It
comes through perseverance.
Remember, at the right place, at the
right time, with the right people,
YOU’RE THE ONE!
(-as narrated by Reshma Raghavendra)
FOOTNOTE: Reality Shows of various kind had always been an inevitable part of the Television and the entertainment media across the globe since its inception. No wonder that the mainstream Indian and local channels kept successfully mimicking the west in various aspects. Reality Shows have provided great exposures to various genuine talents across the country which is a great fact. It has helped in bringing a lot of genuine talents from the unseen corners of the country to the limelight. However, the intended purpose of this perspective write up is not to demean any channels or shows as a whole, but just to point out certain shady realities and non genuine aspects that gets worked behind which abstract the genuine talents to a great extent.
When my friend Reshma, who expressed her pathetic personal experiences, after attending the audition of 'one of the most prestigious reality shows' in the country, I found a story in it which I felt should never be left untold. I think this is not just the story of my friend, but this also is the same story of any Indian girl who goes through various struggles to reach the top. Thus, I decided to put up this as a story to throw some light into the issue, where Reshma had provided me with the necessary feeds and she was more like a co-author in this process and I would like to extend my gratitude towards her for helping me to complete this and appreciate her for being so bold, so as to get it done without abstracting her identity as well, which I think is really admirable.
- © by RAHUL SHARMA
Picture courtesy: Internet
(Picture for representational purpose only)
